If I Were a Loser….

If I were a loser, I would steal someone’s identity. But, they would have to be a loser too. That way, it would be like I were keeping the same identity.

If I weren’t a loser, I wouldn’t steal anyone’s identity that I knew… because they probably would be a loser, and I wouldn’t want to pretend.

If I were a loser, I would say that I were someone else, then try to fake it through by buying excess things to prove that I were really that someone.

If I were a loser, I would make up my occupation, my wife, my children and everything that existed about me so that someone else could like me.

If I were a loser, I would hire myself as president of a small complex or a manager of a small association so that I could have my picture up on the wall.

If I were a loser, I would make up stories about what I had done with my life.  Possibly, by actually finding someone else’s stories, then rephrasing them.

Are you a loser?  We want to hear why!  Leave us a comment to bring out the loser in you.

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July Loser of the Month

On this special American holiday, we would like to dedicate a true patriotic announcement for the July loser of the month.  It is for all who are barbecuing with their families, drinking beer and lighting firecrackers in order to see colors light up the sky.

That’s right, our July loser of the month is for the celebration of the holiday… the 4th of July.

In commemoration of the 4th of July, let’s list how it represents the concept of ‘freedom’ in the world of loserdom.

As patriotic Americans, we can represent our freedom by having a day off of both of our jobs, meaning we get a cut from the pay check of $50 / day for 80 hour weeks.

Our freedom of thought is completely unavailable to any school or educational purposes, with the ability to not only think freely, but also to have the ability to not think at all.  It’s called vacation… right?

The representation of the 4th of July and freedom not only represents a day off, but also freedom to get as drunk as possible, then light fires.  A true sign of patriotism.

If you are celebrating differently, don’t forget your ‘free’ pass to the national parks.  A true symbol of freedom with the wild forests, mountains and maybe even beaches… the ones with the fences around them.

Oh, and just in case you are wondering.  There’s now an official debate.  Freedom day may have actually occurred on May 1st, not July 4th… meaning the representation of freedom that we are all celebrating may have actually just been an excuse to have Friday off.

As a definition of true freedom, I would like to initiate the 4th of July into the loser of the month to truly bring out the loser in the definition of holidays.

Find the loser in you!  Visit our loser gear shop at: www.cafepress.com/losers9