And so we say… “Oh God”

In tribute of a happy Sunday of the tradition of going to church, is a definite need to attribute a religion into the world of Losersville. After all, there is nothing better than listenin’ to the preacher talk without action.

What God really wanted when he created religion was, of course, a way to worship without thinking. And, that’s what brings this particular religious affiliation into the forefront. Here’s how they have received their special loserdom designation.

- And thus, my first commandment to you is to read my prayers instead of worshiping directly to me, your God. I, the One and Only, have decided to be a writer. And lo, this prayer shall begin… “I am a broken winged bird.” In my mercy to you, I have designated several books to choose from so that your prayers can be heard.

- My second commandment to you is to call one of the designated beings “Master.” And say, oh ye religious believers, you all belong to the Masta and should use him as your example. And we shall sing this new song together in order to teach the children of the Masta:”I love the Masta and the Masta loves me. I want to follow his example with worshipping.” For he has inherited this religion from his father and has thus lived in the Holy Mansion with his servants. A true example to us all. And thus, I say, I am not thinking of the Hilton enterprise.

- And, God saith, it is blasphemy to have more than one wife or to marry over the age of 25. But my beloved prophet who began this religion I have given permission to have 3 wives. Two of which are his cousins and shall give birth to five of his holy children. Blessed be thou o holy prophet!

- My commandment to women and men is to be equal. The women shall now carry the designation of being handmaidens in serving me, their God and the Masta. However, they shall not hold designation in the highest places of the Faith because of their holdings as women. God saith, pray on this from my books in order to find my holy commandments regarding this.

- And thus, this religion shall worship under a second government, which is to be universal and to take over the holdings of men on earth and the universal corners of the universe when the aliens come down. And this government shall be led by 9 men who will decide on all of the actions of the believers of this faith through a yearly newsletter. Their new commandments come directly from me their God, in order to continue to worship as my servants.

And lo, we designate this religion into the world of loserdom. I pray, that they can find the loser in themselves.

Find the loser in you! Visit our Loser shop at http://www.cafepress.com/losers9